Miserable wretch

I like the versatility of the word fuck. There's just so much you can do with it. And when I walked out of my building into the dark tonight, gym-gear clad and craving endorphins and the sky began to wizzle and then beer-drinking-piss on me, I used the word to propel me homewards - fuck, fuck, fuck. Ten minutes up the hill I am completely soaked, (pass the gym, I'm too wet - fuck), wading through the footpath as the gutter flows over, sodden pants clinging scandalously to popsicle legs, I want to run but my shin splint won't let me - fuck it. So instead I squelch my way home whilst refining my bulldog face and practising my profanity. All the potty-mouthing was reminiscent of another journey where swearing was my saviour. Climbing Jenkin's hill with my pinky finger snapped in two I don't know what I would have done without the word fuck (among others). I wish that day when we reached the crest and made up camp i'd done what i did tonight when I got home and sucked back a shot of something strong. Just to ward off pneumonia. Goddamn i'm a classy lady....

I miss the whanau. Chile sis is on holiday and off-line and I miss waking up in the morning and having an affectionately disparaging comment from her posted here. I just talked to her on Saturday, but my mind was elsewhere and I didn't appreciate it properly because I was about to go and get the follicles ripped out of me and I always get ridiculously anxious. So to stem the "home-sickness" I've put in an application for leave next week and I'm hopefully heading north to hang with the little bro while he's on school holidays. Unfortunately him and step dad are kind of the only ones left there now, I doubt I'll get to see Auckland sis. I dont want to call her Auckland sis - Lou. Hopefully stepdad will lend me a disco ball and some elvis paraphernalia for my birthday!

The big teddy bear at work is moving teams. There's this domino-effect exodus going on from my team that means it changes staff more frequently than I change my underwear. No that analogy isn't quite right, because they are failing to replace the people they are losing, and I don't really do commando. Luckily I have about 44cents left in my cheque account until tuesday so I'll be forced to keep myself amused this weekend re-vamping my cv and appying for jobs. It's an employee's market! My manager's management style is more equipped to run a day care centre than the busiest, most human-resource intensive section of the organisation and as she sat there today at our fortnightly meeting and waffled on about understanding how much pressure we are under and how she is working on it and it will get better, I must have had a face like a busted fart (not very good at hiding how I'm feeling) cause she looked at me very intently and said,

You don't think so Bridie?

And I said, very rapidly and throwing diplomacy to the wind,

I've just been hearing it for a very long time.

There were sniggers. She stared at me blankly. And then changed the subject.

God it's pissing down outside.