Melancholy

It seems to be the season. Maybe that is a generalisation, especially when i go one step further and say i can see it in the single people around me. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't think of anything more self-destructive (personally) than being hitched right now, but it does make me wonder about the sincerity of the belief that you need to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Maybe some people shouldn't be alone. And maybe some people can't be happy in a relationship.

Arggghhh! Another Dr Phil special.

I have done a lot more than contemplate the dysfunctions of both myself and those around me in the last few days, but that is what is bugging me so that is what i will write about.

It seems trite to show any kind of remorse in retrospect. I don't want to be perceived as fragile and dependent on anyone for protection. I was so angry that night when i ran back to the Terrace (after another engaging adventure in The Realms) with my tail between my legs because some big scary man with dreads got out of a car (occupied by two other shadowy figures) parked just below Boyd Wilson and puffed his cigarette at me. It was about one in the morning and i had done the same walk, probably not very sensibly, many times before without an incident worth comment. And i wanted to yell, "Let me past", or plead "are you going to let me past" and instead i stopped, pulled out my cellphone (in an i'm brandishing this dangerous weapon and you better look out kind of fashion), then turned tail and fled. And i probably won't walk through there at night again.

So if something is very much a preconceived idea and we know the outcome is dubious and to then go ahead in denial, I mean we bare the consequences right? And i guess that's supposed to be maturity. But if you know the outcome is going to effect others, people you care about, then that's just fucked up.

Quote: "Favourable Chance, I fancy, is the god of all men who follow their own devices instead of obeying a law they believe in". Five bucks to the first person who can tell me what it's from.

Which is why i am grounded. This weekend. Though i might go to a movie, and a boy/family friend who is in town for some bmx thing, (and is nice enough in an annoyingly goofy kinda way) and i might have to meet up with him. But probably no danger there.

And I have work off tomorrow afternoon. I am volunteering at the law centre (if i have any skills that they can use that is!) and then going to finger gym.

No potential for trouble there....Okay, proceed.