I'm not tough at all....

Today was the end of my short career as a recluse. I Tried desperately to maintain it by being unsociable and watching another dvd and remaining in my pjs until four again (well hey, i'm convalescing). Anyway I watched The Pianist. I'm ashamed of my egocentricity but it just made me feel shit about myself. I've watched plenty of stuff on the Holocaust, both documentaries and movies, but i just never get desensitised to it. And apart from all the senseless killing and the recurring themes in all the films, the degradation, the deportations, the few (far too few) rescuers, there was one particular scene that really upset me just because of its poignant simplicity. When the German officer finds him at the end,and gets him to play, and he plays like the devil's got hold of him, and he probably thinks its the last time he will play, and then at the end of it the Officer asks where he's been hiding, and the Pianist (sorry i don't know his name) goes to show him and he picks up that can of horrible looking stuff that he was working on opening and tucks it protectively under his arm before he limps off. And i just think about how hungry he must have been. That the can represented another god forsaken day of being hunted and completely alone. And how sorry i felt for myself when i got my wisdoms out or when i broke my freakin finger... I don't know. Anyway I'm feeling a bit restless, like the 40 hr famine and $20 by dialling 0900 for the tsunami victims doesn't really cut it. So what am i gonna do?