Four years can pass........like one of those sketch comic books where you flick all the pages to get the picture to move. And if you hold the picture still, if you have to listen to your own thoughts for too long, it seems disappointingly two dimensional. I'm sure I have come along way since that first year where I was treading dark syrupy water and buried myself under my duvet, but I'm back in the place where I last saw her, and I feel desperately cut off from everyone who I could possibly gain any comfort from. And I'm angry. There's some huge music festival on in town, and I couldn't even get a park near the office so I could go in and drown out my thoughts with the mounds of work I have in there waiting for me. No purpose. I even contemplated just going and sitting up at her tree but I always get there and find that it doesn't bring me any closer to her. It's just another place where she isn't.

And it's all in my head anyway right? I mean what is the significance of a date. And is that even what's really bugging me, or am I just feeling miserable because the boy has been even more distant than the thousands of kilometres he usually is of late. Everyones just busy dealing with their own shit, and there's nothing significant at all in the fact that I need to deal with mine.